Physiology of Anxiety, Part 3: Breathing exercises
As promised, here are a few breathing exercises/metaphors that will help to turn off the alarm system. Have your kid pick the one they like, and give it a try!
Balloon Breathing
Imagine you have a balloon in your belly. The perfect balloon for you. What color is it? Does it have a design? Sparkles? Now that we know what the balloon looks like, I want you to fill up the balloon with air, slowly. As you breathe in, imagine that balloon filling until it’s almost full. 1… 2… 3… 4… Now, let the air out of the balloon slowly, just like if you let go of the opening before tying the knot in the bottom. No need to press on the balloon or force it, the air drifts out on it’s own… This is called Balloon Breathing. When you get false alarm feelings, Balloon Breathing will help tell the brain that you are safe.
Hot Cocoa Breathing
Imagine you have a cup of hot cocoa in your hands. It’s just the right mix of chocolate and milk, filled right to the top of the cup, and it has marshmallows on top! It smells soooo good. But boy, is it hot! We need to cool it off. First, smell the hot cocoa- slowly breathe in and imagine you can smell all the good scents of the chocolate… 1… 2… 3… 4… Now, let’s gently blow on the drink to cool it off. Blow too hard and we will spill the cocoa! Exhale slow and steady so that our cocoa is ready to drink. This is called Hot Cocoa Breathing. When you get false alarm feelings, Hot Cocoa Breathing will help tell the brain that you are safe.
Candle Breathing
Imagine the fingers on your hand are scented candles. They are the perfect candles for you. Are yours all the same color, or different colors? Do they have the same scent, or different? Now that we know what the candles look like, I want you to breathe in and smell the wonderful scent of the candles, slowly. 1… 2… 3… 4… Now, let’s gently blow on the candles for fun, just enough to make the flame flicker to cool it off. Blow too hard and we will blow out the flame! Exhale slow and steady so that our candle flickers, like a dance. This is called Candle Breathing. When you get false alarm feelings, Candle Breathing will help tell the brain that you are safe.
A few final notes:
Aim for 2-3 practices a day, in lots of different places (school, home, stores, relatives’ houses, while traveling, in the car, etc.). Practicing in lots of settings makes it more likely that the skill is accessible whenever your child needs it. Target the locations where false alarm feelings show up the most.
Kids sometimes worry that using worry coping tools in public will be “weird” and that people will notice and judge or tease them. With other tools, this may be the case (progressive muscle relaxation, fidgets, etc.). But, the good news- controlled breathing is a totally private experience. No one will know that you are practicing unless you choose to tell them.
Sometimes kids and parents expect that this strategy will “get rid of” anxiety, and are then upset/give up when the coping tool “is not working”. Spoiler: controlled breathing will not eliminate anxiety, nor is it supposed to. This tool will help the body shift out of it’s emergency protocol, which can help anchor us in the storm of anxiety and keep us present and able to move toward what matters despite the worry. However, it will not make the storm magically go away- give kids this heads up ahead of time, so they know this coping tool is not “broken” when anxiety sticks around.
If you want to read a bit more: check out this New York Times article on controlled breathing. For those who like their science a little more hardcore, check out this 2018 review article in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience.