Brave, defined

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Brave

/brāv/, adjective: To feel scared and to do it anyway

Many people think that bravery is the absence of anxiety or fear. This actually couldn't be further from the truth.

It is impossible to be brave without fear.

Consider the knight that goes off to slay the dragon. If the knight did not understand the risks, if he felt that fighting the Dragon was safe, no big deal, a casual Tuesday afternoon activity, then we would not consider the knight brave. We would consider him a fool.

The knight only earns the label of brave if he fully understands the risks involved in slaying the dragon, but chooses to undertake the challenge anyway because he believes it really matters.

This is bravery. It is to say, after assessing the risks, yes this is scary, and my concerns are valid. However, the risk is worth it. I'm willing to move toward what matters and bring worry along for the ride.

Bravery is:

  • Embracing uncertainty.

  • Risking failure.

  • Falling down and getting up, and trying again tomorrow.

  • The quiet confidence in saying no, or yes.

  • Accepting the truth of "I don't know."

Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is feeling scared, and doing what matters despite it.

This is the goal for our children. We don’t want to eliminate our kids’ fear and anxiety- this is impossible and actually counterproductive, since this will deprive them of the opportunity to learn about anxiety and get used to the feeling, a normal part of human life. Instead, we want our kids to gain confidence- to recognize that anxiety is a fleeting feeling, both tolerable and temporary, and to learn how to move through an uncertain and imperfect life despite the predictable worries and fears that show up.